Finding My Way Home

morninggloryIf I’m honest all I can think about right now is moving. Moving. Moving. Our family is moving in March for a short time into an apartment and then again in September to Chicago. Where in Chicago? We don’t know. But I don’t care because it is my home city. It is where I am from, and I love it.

In the evening when the kids have been put to bed, Jim and I have some time to ourselves. On one of these evening recently he asked,

“What do you want to do?”

“Daydream.” I replied.

By that I meant that I wanted to look at houses in Chicago of any price range and in any area. Just to sit together and dwell on the possibilities of our lives in this or that house.

When I am by myself, I daydream deeper. I look at houses in the neighborhood that I grew up in, near the parks I used to ride my bike to, by the trees I used to climb, the gardens I walked in and the places I watched my brothers play sports. I go back there. Clicking through pictures, I am alive in my childhood again. Some of the houses I see belonged to people I used to know. The bungalow houses beckon to me like old friends calling from the cement front porches.

The idea of permanency is so close now I can taste it. Jim and I have been moving since we were married. By the time we move back to Chicago we will have moved four times in our five years of marriage. One house to call home. A place to watch the morning glories open again and again on a chain link fence. The feeling of relief in permanency and the day when we are in our own house will come and go just as quickly as the morning glories. The reality is that there is no permanent in this life. In this life there is only temporary.

My cardboard box life the past four years has sharpened the focus on the fact that this life is temporary but my longing is eternal. We were made to be at home. If you are missing something and you can’t quite put your finger on it, it might be that you are missing the true way home.

Jesus said to his disciples “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.  In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.  And you know the way to where I am going.” Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?”  Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.  If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.” (John 14:1-7)

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